tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post112993063107243977..comments2023-10-27T11:41:01.596-05:00Comments on SORMAG's Blog: WRITING CLINIC – Critique of writing – Query LetterLaShaundahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02882241010643308240noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130352675159081532005-10-26T13:51:00.000-05:002005-10-26T13:51:00.000-05:00Thanks Cindy--Leann 134Thanks Cindy--Leann 134Leann Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295036966099718756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130349223094571342005-10-26T12:53:00.000-05:002005-10-26T12:53:00.000-05:00Leah - Thanks for the clarification. I used to sta...Leah - <BR/>Thanks for the clarification. I used to start that way, then was advised to go hook first. So many opinions...<BR/>Jenna (08)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05880106055269169399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130271836542982322005-10-25T15:23:00.000-05:002005-10-25T15:23:00.000-05:00Jenna:Sorry I didn't respond yesterday, I logged o...Jenna:<BR/><BR/>Sorry I didn't respond yesterday, I logged off the computer in the early afternoon.<BR/><BR/>Your letter jumps right into the plot of PAR FOR THE COURSE, which is good, however, I think you should first tell the agent/editor why you are writing. You can take a look at Leanne's and Dera's openings and adjust to your project since you are sending a QL and S only. You could say something like: "Dear...I've recently completed a romance novel called PAR..." Or you could say..."Dear... I'd like to submit for your consideration a synopsis of my romance PAR..." Just one or two sentences then go into the story.<BR/><BR/>Best of Luck,<BR/><BR/>Leah Mullen (25)Leah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130271749379485572005-10-25T15:22:00.000-05:002005-10-25T15:22:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Leah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130271143819678912005-10-25T15:12:00.000-05:002005-10-25T15:12:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Leah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130269272430337512005-10-25T14:41:00.000-05:002005-10-25T14:41:00.000-05:00Leann--The "self-publishing question" is a real ho...Leann--<BR/><BR/>The "self-publishing question" is a real hot topic it seems nowaday. <BR/><BR/>Some agents/editors think self-publishing isn't worth a mention, but others may feel differently. My advice is to find out the opinion of the agent or editor you're targeting before you query them. If they are open to self-published authors, then by all means let them know. I'd especially tell them if your book has sold a significant number of copies (i.e. 10,000+) as a self-published title. That usually gets an agent's attention that there is a definite market for it. :)<BR/><BR/>If an agent or editor is not very open to self-published works, then I wouldn't mention it. Say you have completed so many manuscripts, but don't mention they are self-published in the initial query. <BR/><BR/>After all, I'm assuming you own the rights to the self-published works. If the agent or editor shows interest, then you can mention they were self-published and take it from there.<BR/><BR/>Just my two cents...<BR/>Cindy Appel #19Cindy A. Matthewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12724627097783524710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130268861292828952005-10-25T14:34:00.000-05:002005-10-25T14:34:00.000-05:00Great query letter, Dera!It's a little different t...Great query letter, Dera!<BR/><BR/>It's a little different than the "three paragraph" format I use, but I think it works well since you are telling a more complex story. You may want to include info in your introductory paragraph on what particular line you are marketing to, for example, if the publisher has a line that's geared toward historicals, AA, etc.<BR/><BR/>I like how you've kept your writer's bio brief, and it does list your publications. I usually put the "enclosed are the sample chapters, etc." toward the end of the query, but it works fine the way you have it.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck!<BR/>Cindy Appel #19Cindy A. Matthewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12724627097783524710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130268446406276532005-10-25T14:27:00.000-05:002005-10-25T14:27:00.000-05:00Ann (41) pointed out creating your own professiona...Ann (41) pointed out creating your own professional looking letterhead. LaShaunda, that may be of interest to others as to what that letterhead should look like--should it be stark, should it have color, should it have watermarks, logos? etc. Maybe a workshop on letterheads and business cards? And I noticed it was already asked in another blog but just what do agents and editors think of self-published authors? Should you mention you are self-published?<BR/>Leann-134Leann Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295036966099718756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130266340019443372005-10-25T13:52:00.000-05:002005-10-25T13:52:00.000-05:00Great query letter, Stephanie. It intrigued me.I'd...Great query letter, Stephanie. It intrigued me.<BR/><BR/>I'd go along with Wayne about not asking editors to check out your web site. Also, if this book is a part of a series, you should mention it, but you should be prepared to have at least a brief synopsis on the other projects if the editor asks for an overview of the entire series.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck all you talented query writers! :)<BR/><BR/>Cindy Appel #19Cindy A. Matthewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12724627097783524710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130256878513317622005-10-25T11:14:00.000-05:002005-10-25T11:14:00.000-05:00Hi everyone, sorry I'm a little behind. I have a ...Hi everyone, sorry I'm a little behind. I have a computer novice in the house, and well let's just say I didn't have access to a computer yesterday.<BR/><BR/>Since the session yesterday, basically critiqued query letters, I'm hoping to catch folks who will log on later, and may or may not have done their queries. For those writings, I would like to just share some tips I've picked up over the course of my writing venture that may help you.<BR/><BR/>First, remember that the query is the first glimpse of your work. And doing your best will lead to other things... a request for your proposal.<BR/><BR/>1. Always try to make your query one page in length. <BR/><BR/>2. Create your own professional letterhead. Don't be fancy, it won't win you points.<BR/><BR/>3. Use new, quality, WHITE paper, and laser printer if possible. You want your letter to be crisp, clean, and professional. First impressions are lasting.<BR/><BR/>4. Include brief, relevant publishing/writing credentials. Don't be shy. It's okay to toot your horn, just don't get carried away.<BR/><BR/>5. Research your sources. Make sure you have the correct address and name of the person you're sending your proposal to.<BR/><BR/>6. Make sure you include all of your relevant contact information. I doubt an editor interested in your work will call all over creation to find you if she decides she wants to see more of your work or to get clarification.<BR/><BR/>7. Be brief when describing your work. What I learned from an editor’s pitching session is that you should be able to tell your story in 25 words or less.<BR/><BR/>8. Include a self-address, stamped envelop for a reply and return of your work if you want it back.<BR/><BR/>9. Always be courteous. Present your work and yourself professionally.<BR/><BR/>Good luck and happy writing!<BR/><BR/>Ann - #41Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130250237556155822005-10-25T09:23:00.000-05:002005-10-25T09:23:00.000-05:00Eleanor:Thank you for your comments as well. I wen...Eleanor:<BR/>Thank you for your comments as well. I went back and removed the paragraphs from the letter. I really appreciate the feedback.<BR/>Leann--134Leann Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295036966099718756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130216368897516182005-10-24T23:59:00.000-05:002005-10-24T23:59:00.000-05:00Thank you Eleanor for the feedback, I will do just...Thank you Eleanor for the feedback, I will do just that! Leah suggested that at the beginning but said to wait until someone else on the panel added an opinion.Bonnie S. Calhounhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11769607640246518804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130207669189585952005-10-24T21:34:00.000-05:002005-10-24T21:34:00.000-05:00Wayne and Eleanor,Thank you so much for the feedba...Wayne and Eleanor,<BR/><BR/>Thank you so much for the feedback! This is my first time out, so I'm just soaking up everything I can. All your thoughts are much appreciated :)<BR/><BR/>StephanieStephanie Casherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06836138479209327886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130203662595727522005-10-24T20:27:00.000-05:002005-10-24T20:27:00.000-05:00Stephanie Casher:Since the other queries have all ...Stephanie Casher:<BR/><BR/>Since the other queries have all been taken care of, I'll do this one.<BR/><BR/>I really like this query. I'm not a chick-lit fan, but I'm intrigued by SOUL MATES.<BR/><BR/>I'd omit the chapter about the other stories. Don't take the focus away from the story you are pitching. If they like the query and ask for a full, you'll have time enough to pitch more stories.<BR/><BR/>Instead of "I once described.." use "Soul Mate may be descrited as "Sex and the City meets Friends..."<BR/><BR/>And please don't ask an editor to download stuff from your website.<BR/><BR/>Don't include a separate bio, just add a paragraph in which you highlight the most important aspect of your writing career.<BR/><BR/>The final paragraph says too much. Just say, "Enclosed is a synopsis and the first three chapters of Soul Mate. I look forward to hearing from you, and thank you for your time and consideration.<BR/><BR/>eharlequin has a simple but very effective sample query letter which I used for my first submission:<BR/>http://www.eharlequin.com/images/pdf/SampleQueryLetterM.pdf<BR/><BR/>Hope this helps.<BR/><BR/>wjWaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00527980302176481156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130198375433182522005-10-24T18:59:00.000-05:002005-10-24T18:59:00.000-05:00Badge #144 Dear Editor,I have completed an 85,000 ...Badge #144 <BR/><BR/>Dear Editor,<BR/><BR/>I have completed an 85,000 word manuscript entitled Soul Mates—a love story with the potential to tap the urban market, appeal to romance readers, entertain the chick-lit crowd, as well as cross over into mainstream women’s fiction. I am interested in having my novel included in your XXXXX line.<BR/> <BR/>Soul Mates is a story about what happens when true love and terrible timing collide. Jake Clayton, new to Los Angeles and reeling from a disastrous break-up, has sworn off all women—until he lays eyes on Samantha Merrick and she sets his wounded heart on fire. But when the two finally meet, Jake discovers that Samantha's own heart is not open. Although tragedy forced her apart from her first love, Tony, long ago, she is still in love with him. As Jake sets out to win the heart and trust of this impossibly stubborn yet wildly enchanting woman, a story of love, relationships, and second chances unfolds. But before Samantha is able to fully commit, a chance encounter brings Tony back into her life, and it is very clear that the two of them have unfinished business. As passions flare, who will Samantha finally choose—the man she is falling in love with, or the man she has always loved?<BR/> <BR/>I once described Soul Mates to a friend as “Sex and the City meets Friends, except with all people of color.” The heart of the story centers on the romance between Jake and Samantha—two strong, determined, charmingly flawed individuals. But the multicultural supporting cast and touching sub-plots woven throughout the story provide the spice and humor, elevating the novel up and out of the romance genre. Soul Mates showcases friendships, relationships, and the lessons we learn through having them, with an emphasis on the themes of love, growth, and healing.<BR/> <BR/>I have outlined story ideas for five other novels, including the prequel and sequel to Soul Mates. My next book, When Love Isn't Enough, is the prequel, which tells the story of Samantha and Tony's relationship and the tragedy that tore them apart and changed the course of their lives. A synopsis and sample chapters of When Love Isn't Enough can be downloaded from my website at http://home.earthlink.net/~sfcasher/.<BR/> <BR/>Enclosed is a synopsis of Soul Mates, along with the first three chapters and a short biography. I have a great deal of energy and enthusiasm for my writing, and I would be delighted to discuss Soul Mates and my other projects with you, as well as send you the complete Soul Mates manuscript. I believe that after you read it you will agree that the book has great potential. Many thanks in advance for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.<BR/><BR/>Best Regards,<BR/><BR/>Stephanie CasherStephanie Casherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06836138479209327886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130193857980613572005-10-24T17:44:00.000-05:002005-10-24T17:44:00.000-05:00Thanks for looking at my letter. Queries get me so...Thanks for looking at my letter. Queries get me so turned around, and the line I target takes QL & S only. No sample chapter or anything. Yikes. <BR/><BR/>So - are you saying I should start with business? PAR FOR THE COURSE is a completed..... and then do the blurb paras?<BR/><BR/>Jenna - Agent 08Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05880106055269169399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130182137947931632005-10-24T14:28:00.000-05:002005-10-24T14:28:00.000-05:00Dara:I just add to Leah's comments.1. I found your...Dara:<BR/><BR/>I just add to Leah's comments.<BR/><BR/>1. I found your story's premise to be interesting and if I were an editor/agent I would definitely request the full manuscript.<BR/><BR/>2. The letter is also the perfect length and covers the essential information that any editor would request.<BR/><BR/>4. From the letter, I was also able to get a sense of your voice - strong, confident, and passionate about the story.<BR/><BR/>4. You mentioned attending writing programs. How did this help you? Be specific, don't just mention it.<BR/><BR/>wjWaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00527980302176481156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130181031881550262005-10-24T14:10:00.000-05:002005-10-24T14:10:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Waynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00527980302176481156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130177333653713542005-10-24T13:08:00.000-05:002005-10-24T13:08:00.000-05:00I think all these query letters are on the right t...I think all these query letters are on the right track pretty much... The thing is to keep them "brief and to the point". Any longer than one typed page and you run the risk of losing the agent's or editor's interest.<BR/><BR/>A format I've used successfully is first paragraph a strong quote or "what if" statement about the storyline. The second paragraph is a very brief synopsis, touching only the big points and giving info on genre, ms length, etc.<BR/><BR/>The third paragraph you should briefly list your publishing credits that are related to this ms. (If you are submitting fiction, you may want to skip mentioning your non-fiction publications, unless these are the only ones you have so far.) Include your contest wins and writers group affiliations. (I've heard others who say no, but a little bit of info here shows that you are serious about writing.)<BR/><BR/>The last line should be a quick "Thank you" and you're done. Be sure you've enclosed a SASE and your address/contact info is in the header.Cindy A. Matthewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12724627097783524710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130170081721643612005-10-24T11:08:00.000-05:002005-10-24T11:08:00.000-05:00P.S. I also appreciated getting to read what other...P.S. I also appreciated getting to read what others have written and the critiques on theirs as well as it is all a great learning experience for me.<BR/>Many thanks to all of you--Leann-134Leann Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295036966099718756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130170007200539192005-10-24T11:06:00.000-05:002005-10-24T11:06:00.000-05:00Leah:Thank you so much! I mean that from the botto...Leah:<BR/>Thank you so much! I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So many times we are too close to a subject to break it down. My problem has always been that I wind up writing the story all over again--lol. And once you pointed out the KEY, it was like --yeah, why didn't I see that! I also appreciate the comment about what needs to be there and what is bogging the letter down. This has really helped me, I have done a rewrite--now keep your fingers crossed. <BR/>Many thanks!<BR/>Leann-134Leann Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295036966099718756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130166025185055012005-10-24T10:00:00.000-05:002005-10-24T10:00:00.000-05:00Thank you, Leah for the insightful comments. I wil...Thank you, Leah for the insightful comments. I will change it appropriately, as soon as I close this window.<BR/><BR/>I will keep watching for a response from the other panel members on what to do and how long to wait between queries.<BR/><BR/>Again, thank you!Bonnie S. Calhounhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11769607640246518804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130164415945372182005-10-24T09:33:00.000-05:002005-10-24T09:33:00.000-05:00Jenna:PAR FOR THE COURSE sounds Hot! Hot! Hot! L...Jenna:<BR/><BR/>PAR FOR THE COURSE sounds Hot! Hot! Hot! Love the story. Here are my comments.<BR/><BR/>You’ve summarized the story very well--sounds like a backcover blurb! But a query letter is essentially a business letter where you’re telling the recipient exactly why you’re writing, the title of your novel, what you’re enclosing etc. As soon as possible get all of this information in and then tell the story.<BR/><BR/>Other than that, the letter looks ready to go!<BR/><BR/>Good luck.<BR/><BR/>Leah MullenLeah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130163707823574332005-10-24T09:21:00.000-05:002005-10-24T09:21:00.000-05:00Bonnie CalhounI love the topic you’re writing abou...Bonnie Calhoun<BR/><BR/>I love the topic you’re writing about. Sounds exciting. Below are my comments.<BR/><BR/>You should make it clear from the start that this is a work of fiction. At first I thought you were proposing a nonfiction research book or biography about a real woman named Captain Barbara Hamilton.<BR/><BR/>I did like your opening tho, got my attention. If you want to stick with that attention grabbing intro, as quickly as possible afterward you must let the editor/agent know you’re pitching a novel called Touched by Fire and then quickly delve into the story which is about Barbara, her mother and her relationships.<BR/><BR/>In addition, who is the market for the book? Who will this action/adventure/doomsday story appeal to? Where will the book be placed on bookstore shelves? <BR/><BR/>Lastly, you wrote something very interesting that I’ve wondered about myself. You wrote:<BR/><BR/>“…I am contacting a handful of editors and agents who I think might be interested in this book…”<BR/><BR/>I’m not sure if it’s proper etiquette to tell one agent or editor that you’re in contact with others. When I’m contacting agents I tell them when I have editors interested, but I don’t know if I would tell agent “A” that agent “B” is considering the work. And the same with editors. <BR/>Some publishing houses won’t accept work if it’s under consideration somewhere else. The flip side is that one house might take a year or more to get back to you, so what do you do in the meantime? <BR/><BR/>This is definitely a question for the others on the panel.<BR/><BR/>Good luck<BR/><BR/>Leah MullenLeah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15713569.post-1130162326224162862005-10-24T08:58:00.000-05:002005-10-24T08:58:00.000-05:00Leanna K. Potts:Your letter was very engaging and ...Leanna K. Potts:<BR/><BR/>Your letter was very engaging and thorough. However it was a tad bit long since at this point you’re trying to pique the agent’s interest. The synopsis will do the rest.<BR/><BR/>Here are my comments:<BR/><BR/>The following is your KEY sentence. It’s buried and should be as high up as possible in your letter: <BR/><BR/>“…The story also gives the reader insight into contemporary Native American culture while exploring the twists and turns of the love angle…”<BR/><BR/>Your letter will still work if you cut the three paragraphs below. Some of it is about research and editing which is interesting but bogs your letter down: <BR/><BR/>“…I am hoping to find an agent who can find this contact for me. After viewing the information on your website, I see that your interests are General Fiction and Romance, categories which this trilogy encompasses…”<BR/><BR/>“…Since publishing this novel, I have tightened the original manuscript by cutting about 10 pages from the last quarter of the book. The ending still remains the same.<BR/><BR/>“…researchers have found that nine out of ten third-generation and above Americans have some degree of Native American blood. This is backed by a 200% increase of those claiming some degree of Native American blood in the last census--with over half that number being women. I have also found that women of any race or age group can understand the crux of the story and I foresee a female readership who can relate to Ilianna because they know they are part Native American but cannot legally prove it…”<BR/><BR/>One last thing is the genre of your trilogy. You’re calling the books romances yet, I believe the guy, Chebon, doesn’t get the girl, Ilianna, at the end of the first book, right? And the second book is a reflective character study about Chebon and why he doesn’t come back to Ilianna. <BR/>I don’t see the elements a “romance” requires, but rather I see an epic love story or something like that. A relationship story, general women’s fiction etc. <BR/><BR/>Those are the things I saw. Hope this helps.<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/><BR/>Leah MullenLeah Mullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03633842458831096428noreply@blogger.com