Dirty Little Secrets
by Joy King
Later that night, I was at it again, partying with the hip and stylish, taking note that I simply had to invest in a New York-chic wardrobe. In Georgia I was in style and used to being the center of attention. Here I stood out like a sore thumb. But it wasn’t the time to dwell on that, because I was simply having too much fun. They were playing "Hate Me Now" by Nas, and T-Roc grabbed me by my waist and escorted me to the dance floor. He was grinding against me from behind with his face against the side of my cheek, and the essence of his cologne had me caught in his rapture. Up until that moment, I wasn’t sure T-Roc was attracted to me.
Although I felt cute, my confidence was a little low. Here I was in a new city at these industry parties surrounded by women who looked like they had just stepped out of InStyle. Everywhere I turned, there was a beautiful woman, but yet T-Roc was dancing with me. I felt special because I was dancing with the man that every other girl wanted. Why wouldn’t they? Not only was T-Roc on top of his game business wise, but he was also a very clean-cut and sharp-looking guy. Nobody possessed his style and his star presence was undeniable.
“How about you come home with me after the party?” T-Roc whispered in my ear before turning me around so we were face-to-face. It took all my strength to resist his offer but I knew what would happen and I wasn’t quite ready yet.
“I want to but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?” His arms were still around me.
“I really have to study. I have an English test coming up, and if I don’t pass it, I might fail the class.” T-Roc gave me a bizarre look, like "Bitch, you can’t be serious," but I was. No, I wasn’t going to fail the class over this test, but I had to say something to get out of going home with him.
“I tell you what, pretty girl; you take your test, and I’ll catch you the next time around.” As T-Roc let go of my waist and left me standing on the dance floor, I felt my prom king had left his queen.
I lay in bed dreaming about how it would be for T-Roc to make love to me. It had been months since I had been intimate with someone, and wouldn’t it be the icing on the cake if my next man was T-Roc?
A couple of days passed, and I didn’t hear from Jason. I was a tad disappointed, but at the same time I needed to concentrate on school. Once again I wasn’t focusing. More and more I was thinking that school wasn’t for me. But until I found something more productive, I figured I needed to stick it out. Tired of calling my parents for money every other week, I decided I needed a job. There was a restaurant right down the street from me looking for a part-time waitress, and I jumped on the opportunity. I put down a bunch of bogus prior waitress experiences, but they obviously didn’t check to see if it was true. To my delight I got the job. Once I was hired, a young woman named Chrissie was assigned to train me. She was a cute petite white woman who put me in mind of a younger version of Sarah Jessica Parker. To my surprise, Chrissie also attended NYU. We instantly clicked, and I finally had my first girlfriend in New York City.
During one of my rare moments of studying, Jason phoned to say that he was on his way to pick me up. That was fine by me; I was more than happy to close my English book and take an extended break. I hoped my mogul had told Jason that he wanted to see me because the last time I saw T-Roc he seemed a little put off that I declined his invitation to his crib. I’m sure he hadn’t gotten that type of brush-off often.
Jason and I went to the label, where I sat for awhile without T-Roc saying two words to me. He was busy running a label, and I started to wonder what I was doing there. It was amazing to see him at work because he was a very hands-on type of guy and an extreme perfectionist. When something didn’t go exactly the way he wanted, he had no qualms about having a tantrum right in front of everybody. After two hours of no one saying a word to me, Jason emerged, “Are you hungry?”
“A little bit.” Actually I was starving, but that was too much information.
“Cool, we’re going to pick up some food and stop by my friend's house to chill for a while.” Cool was Jason’s favorite word, I thought to myself.
My mind was made up. If I was presented with another invitation by T-Roc, I would not decline. I had a strong inkling that he was the friend Jason was talking about. We stopped at a soul food restaurant called Shark Bar, Jason picked up the food he had ordered, and a short time later we pulled up to a brownstone in the city. I took a quick look around the quaint neighborhood while Jason rang the doorbell. I was bubbling over on the inside when T-Roc answered the door.
He greeted me with a sly smile and said, “Hello, Tyler. How did you do on your English test?” His question threw me off balance, but I quickly regained my composure.
“It went great;” I said shyly, and gave a smile. On the outside, the building looked historic and old-fashioned. On the inside it was all high-tech and ultramodern. Here I was sitting and eating barbecue salmon, yams, and rice with my crush. It was too good to be true. The three of us were laughing, joking, and enjoying the delicious food. After a couple hours Jason said he had to run an errand. That was fine with me, because I could finally have some alone time with T-Roc.
“Tyler, what school do you attend? Not high school, I hope.” I tried to get a read on T-Roc's face because I couldn’t tell if he was serious or playing.
“What’s your major?”
“Oh, you look very young; how old are you?”
“Eighteen. I’ll be nineteen later this year,” I said eagerly, not wanting to seem so young.
“Don’t rush it pretty girl. There will come a time when you’ll be wishing you can push your age back, not forward.” As T-Roc was talking, my mind began drifting off, thinking about the hundreds of cute girls he had conquered and the many more who would follow me. But you know what? I didn’t give a shit. I couldn't have cared less. When I wanted something that is what I wanted--no ands, ifs, or buts about it! At this moment in my life, I wanted to know what it felt like to make love to T-Roc. I didn’t care if it turned out to be a one night stand, because personally I thought that would be more romantic. This guy was a known ladies' man, and I wasn’t naïve enough to believe I could change him or that I would be "the one." Every girl he slept with was probably trying to lock him down, so I figured I’d do one better and treat him as a casual sexual encounter. This was about me fulfilling yet another one of my fantasies, no more and no less.
We began kissing and I started feeling myself getting aroused. “Tyler, how about we go upstairs where we can get comfortable?” T-Roc took my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom where a huge plush bed awaited us.
Leaning back on his bed, he said, “I want to watch you undress.” My mind began racing, and the shy, insecure, and self-conscious side of me took a seat as the other side--the bitchy, fiery and confident side--showed its face. I gave him a look that said, Oh please, I’m not taking off my clothes for you. All these episodes in my life are like movies to me, and I’ve created scripts that have to be exciting and fun. I knew sleeping with him was going to happen, but I couldn’t let him think that he would just snap his fingers and my clothes would fall off. I had to make him believe that he had somewhat coerced me.
“No, baby, I don’t think so. This isn’t Scores, and I’m no stripper.”
“Pretty girl, I just want to see you naked. Please.” I did have on a soft pink Natori bra and panty set that I wanted him to view. If I wasn’t comfortable with anything else, I pretty much always liked my figure and enjoyed showing it off in cute undergarments. I didn’t want to seem too eager to please, though, and this was my script, so I needed to start setting the pace. In my mind I was telling T-Roc to back it up, buddy, I’m running this show. I sauntered over to the bed and began kissing him again.