Thursday, September 10, 2009
BOOK INTRO: After The Feeling
After The Feeling
Pornography was once an acceptable element of the Wilson marriage, but a particular incident stretches Germani's comfort zone to the limit. When she reevaluates her Christian beliefs and decides to make a change, Germani quickly learns that Scott doesn't agree with her decision. Germani's request that her husband sacrifice his longtime activities falls on deaf ear.
Germani and Scott discover the magnitude of their differences as their lives become tainted. Frustration and judgment test their love for each other. A strain on their relationship develops as they battle over individual ideals and seek advice from every source except the one that matters most. Ultimately, it will take a greater influence from God if their marriage is to be saved.
October 11, 2007
The fateful call came in.
The credits to a re-run episode of Grey's Anatomy had begun to play.
I didn't answer on the first ring.
I was too busy wallowing in aggravation and exhaustion as I devoured a plate full of grease-laden buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks.
My husband, Scott's, porn obsession was wearying me out. Nothing I said or did seemed to matter. My feelings of confusion, shame, loneliness and rejection were ignored by the man I vowed to love unconditionally; wasted on deaf ear like a bruised apple tumbling from a windblown tree.
Scott's attention was consumed by sexual images on his computer from the Internet, DVD's from the local sex shops, and those videos from Pay-Per-View. It was more than I could handle. More than I knew how to deal with. Maybe if he acknowledged how bad things were, we wouldn't be at ends. Maybe. But he kept making excuses; justifying his actions at the expense of our family.
There's only so much understanding that a woman can give before...enough becomes enough.
It brought to mind when I saw a colorful logo on the bumper sticker of a Yugo parked at the grocery store that read 'SEX SELLS'. Made me think it was too bad that same statement didn't come with a warning.
Sex kills too.
The phone's ringing interrupted my sulking.
I was willing to let that call go to voicemail, but curiosity compelled me to answer just from the phone number flashing across my television.
“Germani?” an anguished voice cracked after I answered.
The caller on the other end of the line was familiar, but sounded in worse condition than I felt. I couldn't put my finger on it. There was no other definition to describe the conversation beyond peculiar. When the caller made a shocking confession I saw warning signs and red flags go up all around me.
I put the caller on hold while I went to the bathroom to wash the remnants of my meal from my greasy hands. The caller needed better advice than I could give. I was clueless on how I'd help 'em with my own thoughts all messed up. But I knew I had to do something. On the way back to the family room I grabbed a New King James Bible off the bookshelf near the computer center and flipped through as I walked. I tried to find the right words amongst the pages as my mind drew blanks. By the time I made it back to the phone with Bible in clean hands, a busy signal blared through and the caller was gone.
My heart quickened as I thought about what to do next.
There was blood everywhere when I made it to the caller's home. Deep crimson streaks that saturated vanilla satin sheets and rained burgundy droplets onto the Persian area rug beneath the bed.
I stood planted against the door frame like a wisteria vine attached to aluminum siding. I was too afraid to step in the room and too disturbed to walk away.
Music was playing. The eighties song “Real Love” by a group named Skyy ended. An eerie silence penetrated the air for just a few seconds. The song began to play again. Somebody had put it on repeat.
Don’t be afraid of the way you feel.
Fear came quickly. I was too late.
I couldn't think as my eyes stayed locked on the crimson streaks, mesmerized like a teenager on an acid trip. Dazed and stunned, my lips slowly opened as my brain processed. I was in the middle of a gory crime scene and somebody was dead...murdered. Suddenly terror filled the once irritated space of my abdomen where aggravation was devoured by panic and I screamed at the top of my lungs.
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