Wednesday, February 27, 2008

EXCERPT: Something About an Angel

Something about an Angel

by Linda Wattley

Leona Tillard is searching for something that not even she understands. She knows there is more to life than what she has faced in her early childhood. Thanks to her Grandmother, she considers the possibility there is a God. In her life there is a father who loves her dearly and yearns to protect her from her past. But how can he do it when her first father took possession of her soul leaving her to wonder where is this God that loves little girls who do not know when love has gone bad.

Something About an Angel gives readers an opportunity to privately enter the abyss of molested souls of children. It reveals how the soul develops under these circumstances. There is a healing tool unfolding throughout the book leading to spiritual renewal. The characters represent the beginning of all souls seeking to survive in a world of mixed signals. They will talk to you and you will know their hearts.

Chapter Fifteen

“You’re going to be sorry, Leona,” Sarah said as I got dressed.

I took a quick shower and put on my favorite blue jeans and a white sleeveless blouse. I felt kind of pretty. I even put on lipstick with a little blush. I combed my hair back and put it in a ponytail to the side.

When we got to the bonfire, it was crowded with a lot of couples sitting close together. Some of the girls were sitting on the boys’ laps. I was amazed at how large the fire was. It crackled and popped as it lit up all the faces of the teens gathered around having a good time.

I started getting a little nervous when I realized that just about everybody was smoking weed and cigarettes. I even noticed them passing wine around from person to person, drinking straight from the bottle. When the bottle came to me, I just passed it on to the next person without a second thought.

“Tony, you call this fun?” I asked.

“We don’t have to stay here. Let’s go to my place. I want you to meet my puppy. I just got her a week ago. You want to do that instead?” Tony asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said.

“My mom is home if that’s what you’re worried about. Come on, Leona,” he said.

When we got to his house, his mother was just closing the front door.

“Tony, I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I’m going over Linda’s house to play cards. Who is that cute little girl with you?” she asked.

“Leona, this is my mom. Mom this is Leona,” Tony said.

“How do you like it here so far?”

“So far, I’ve had a good time,” I said.

“Make yourself at home. Nice meeting you,” Tony’s mom said.

Their house was small but very well taken care of. Everything was neatly in place. Deep blue furniture and plush carpet made the living room look rich. Mirrored pictures were perfectly placed on the walls. The house had a real fireplace that had a small fire burning. Just when we were about to sit on the couch, Tony’s puppy ran and jumped up on his lap.

I wasn’t really a dog lover, but his puppy was really cute. It was a black toy puddle with two little red bows tied behind each ear. She was so tiny I could hold her in one hand.

“How’s my little lady?” Tony said to the puppy as he ran his hands through her curly fur.

“She is cute, Tony,” I said hoping he would put her away soon.

With her in his arms, he got up and turned on the stereo and went into the kitchen. He came back without the puppy. He had two tall glasses in his hands.

“Hey, I made us a couple of strawberry drinks with a hint of brandy,” Tony said.

“I don’t drink,” I said.

“This is so good; you won’t taste a drop of alcohol. I promise. Just taste it, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to drink it,” he said.

I took a sip and braced myself for the awful burn of the alcohol.

Surprsingly, it was pretty good so I decided to keep drinking. We sat on the couch and listened to some nice and slow music and watched the fire burn in the fireplace. He gently placed his arm around my shoulder and my head rested comfortably on his chest. I got a little tense at first, but slowly allowed myself to relax into him.

He began to massage my shoulder with his hand and I jumped up off the couch so fast I knocked off my glass onto his nice clean carpet.

My hand clamped over my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

Tony chuckled. “It’s okay.”

I looked around the room frantically for anything to soak up the crimson liquid that was quickly seeping into the carpet.

Tony got up and went into the kitchen, reappearing with a towel and a bottle of carpet cleaner.

He bent down and started scrubbing the stain. “I can’t begin to tell you how many stains I’ve had to get out of this carpet.”

“Where’s your bathroom,” I asked, willing myself not to pass out on the carpet I had just ruined.

“Down the hall on the left,” he said.

Once in the bathroom, I looked in the mirror. My eyes looked like I might fall asleep at any moment. There was a grin on my face like I had never seen. I started rubbing my hands on my hair. Unfamiliar sensations darted through my body. After emptying my bladder, I splashed some water on my face and went back to the living room.

“What took you so long, beautiful?” Tony asked as he met me at the bathroom door.

“Did I take that long?” I said with a soft voice.

“Come here; I want to show you something,” Tony said as he grabbed me by the arm and walked me farther down the hall.

“This is my favorite room in the house. You like it?”

Not wanting to go all the way in the room, I peeked into his bedroom. It was like something I had never seen before. The walls were deep red with white trim. Then there was a big round bed that sat right in the middle of the room. It was covered with a red crushed velvet bedspread. His ceiling was made out of mirrors. The room smelled really nice. It was some kind of man’s cologne that reminded me of musk oil.

Tony got real playful then. He actually picked me up off the floor and threw me on the bed. When I hit the bed, I sank right in the middle of it and bounced back to the surface. My head started to swim, and then I just started laughing and couldn’t stop. It was a waterbed. He stretched out next to me on the bed. We both laid there with the waves undulating under our backs, looking up at the mirrored ceiling.

“This is awesome. I love your room,” I said with a smile.

He put his hand in mine and with his other arm he pulled me into his body. He wrapped his leg around me and just held me. Tony took my hair out of its ponytail and began to stroke my hair slowly.

My heart was slamming against my ribcage it was beating so hard. I could barely breathe. I wanted to jump up and bolt out of his house and never look back.

Gently, he put his hand on my chin and turned my face toward him. He looked at me like he could see right through me. He rubbed my face and brought his closer to mine. I turned my head but he turned my face gently back towards him. My hand reached to grab his arm and move it, but when I grabbed it I had forgot why I even touched him.

Tony was very quiet and I didn’t know how to break the silence.

My arms were already bare and Tony began to rub my arms slowly. I felt every finger on each hand against my skin. He unbuttoned my blouse, and when it came open, my nipples on my small breasts got hard and tingly.

I inhaled sharply as I felt the coolness of the air on my exposed skin.

“I’m sorry, Leona. I shouldn’t be doing this,” he finally said.

“Doing what?”

“You know what I want,” he said. “Ever since I saw your hips in those jeans, I’ve wanted to have sex with you. I’m not going to lie about it.”

I sat up and pulled my shirt closed. I felt around on the bed for my ponytail holder.

He reached over and touched my hand, causing me to pull away.

“Leona, I thought I was going all the way with you. But there is something about you that won’t let me do it. When I looked in your eyes a while ago, I thought I was looking at an angel. I really thought I saw a real angel.”

All I could manage was a meek smile. On the inside I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Not only was Sarah right, but I was also rejected. I wasn’t sure how to feel about what had just happened.

“I better get you back to your room before Papa Bear starts looking for his cub,” he said with a smile.


When we got to my room, Tony walked me to the door then he reached out for my hand and kissed it softly.

“Thanks for giving me a special night, Leona.”

“Thanks for making me feel special,” I said.

I sighed and leaned back against the door, but almost fell through when it was yanked open behind me.

“I heard y’all out there! I know what special means. You had sex didn’t you?” Sarah demanded.

“Girl, what is wrong with you? You shouldn’t have been trying to listen to us in the first place. And what does special have to do with sex anyway?”

“My Daddy told me I was his special little girl; that’s why my momma hates me. It is sex, Leona!” Sarah said with a slur in her voice.

“You’ve been drinking, Sarah! Look at you!” I yelled.

I couldn’t figure out how she got drunk. I looked around the room and found an open bottle of wine, and then I saw some boy’s tennis shoes halfway under the bed. Now, I could hear whistling in the bathroom. It was Darnel. He had come over right after Tony and I left.

“Leona I didn’t expect you back this soon. It usually takes Tony all night with the chicks. What are you doing back already? You must have locked your legs on him,” he said.

Horrified by what I was seeing, I could only stare at Darnel in his bikini underwear.

“Oh, no, Sarah, you just tell me you didn’t do anything, and we can put this behind us.”

Sarah put on her sad puppy dog expression and said, “What did you expect? You left me all by myself, Leona. Darnel came by to see if I changed my mind. Well, I didn’t, so he stayed with me.

I was about to start cussing both of them out when Sarah started laughing and yelled, “Gotcha! You thought I did it, didn’t you! Ha! Ha!” she laughed.

“Where is Monique?” I asked, angry and suspicious now.

“She’s staying all night at the camp,” Sarah answered.

“Hey, Darnel, you got to go. My daddy is right next door,” I said.

Darnel put his clothes on in front of us and as he took a long swig of wine, he wiped his mouth and started laughing.

“Cool, I’m ready to go anyway. Sarah is a trip. All she did was worry about you like you were her girlfriend or something,” he said.

Sarah just sat on the floor. As soon as Darnel walked out the door, I headed right over to where she was sitting. Her clothes were half on and off, her hair was messed up, and she nodded in and out. For the first time, she looked ugly to me—blood shot eyes, dry skin and bad breath just didn’t make me feel close to her right now. I see why parents want to whip their kids’ butts sometimes.

“You better take a shower before you go to bed. You stink and look horrible,” I said.

“Leona, are you mad at me?” Sarah asked.

“No, I’m not mad at you, fool! No, I take that back. I am mad at you,” I said.

“I didn’t do anything. We were just playing!”

“Playing what, Sarah?”

“He was just trying to make me take off all my clothes so that he could make me feel special. It was fun and I really liked it. But it reminded me of my daddy’s game, so I stopped playing,” Sarah said.

“What game did you and your daddy play?” I asked.

Suddenly, it got real quiet. Sarah didn’t say a word; then she burst out crying. She placed her hands on her face and slobber started easing out of her mouth. She started crying, so I didn’t ask her any more questions. I was afraid of the truth and she was afraid to say it. I helped her to the bed. I had to leave the room.

I went into the bathroom to start my shower. I got undressed in the bathroom. I allowed the water to flow just enough with only hot water to create a steam room affect. I entered the shower and leaned my body back against the wall and closed my eyes.

There were a lot of things on my mind. Tony had seen my mother and Mark. They were right here in town and I needed to find them, and I needed to decide how to approach Daddy about it. I didn’t want anybody’s feelings to get hurt, especially Mark’s feelings. I knew I had to be careful about how I handled this. Tony made it seem like Daddy played a big part in their disappearance.

Then there was Sarah; I just didn’t want to believe her father was having sex with her. That would mean she was not a virgin anymore. We swore by our virginity when we really wanted to prove something that we strongly believed in, like crossing your heart or swearing on your mom.

The hot dripping of the water caused me to sweat. The water beads rolled down my forehead and ran down my body. I was feeling my way around to change the water temperature and grab my soap and washcloth then I felt a soapy washcloth glide across my chest. It startled me so much that I jumped and almost fell in the shower.

“It’s just me, Leona. I hope you don’t mind. I needed a shower too, at least that’s what you told me,” Sarah said.

I didn’t know what to say; I was shocked. I opened my eyes to a naked female body. Sarah stood in front of me with this nest of hair hiding her privates. I just looked at it. I had no idea hair grew like that down there.

“It’s just hair, Leona. It won’t bite,” she chuckled as she covered her body with soap and water.

I was locked in position. I tried to make my body run out of the shower, but my curiosity made me stay. I tried to cover up my private parts with my tiny little washcloth. Sarah laughed at me again. It was obvious her mind was made up; she was staying in the shower.

Sarah adjusted the showerhead so that it was more forceful and balanced the hot and cold to create a perfect flow of water.

“Don’t pay me any attention; just take your shower like I’m not even here,” Sarah said as she continued splashing water all over herself.

I just stood there and looked. She had curves I had never seen before. Her body was beautiful.

I wondered how boys saw her.

Did they really see her beauty or did they just want to touch her?

No sooner than I had that thought, Sarah stopped washing her body and began washing mine. I wanted to stop her, but then I didn’t want to stop her. I wanted to know why it felt better for her to wash my body than it did for me to do it.

As she covered my whole body with suds, I realized that what I felt was familiar; these were old feelings from when I was bathed by grown people. Each stroke of the washcloth wiped away tension that I didn’t know I had.

I had to admit, it was the best shower I ever had. Sarah was still a little giggly from the wine. I had never seen her so happy and beautiful before. Sarah was caught up in her own world. It just so happened I was part of the scenery.

It didn’t seem to matter that we both were standing naked in the shower together. More things were happening to me. I was seeing myself differently. For the first time in my life, I could say my body was okay and it was not some monstrosity to hide from the world. Instead, it was God’s gift for me to accept.

Sarah almost fell twice. I caught her and held her right between my arms and her head just fell on my shoulder. She put her arms around me, and our bodies touched. I gently used both of my hands to pull us apart.

This was probably how wonderful life was for us when we were babies. Touch made us alive and gentle. The older we got, the less touching we got. No wonder people walk around always needing something and they have no idea what it is. As I stood in the shower with drunken Sarah I felt like I had been born again.

When I stepped out of the shower, I grabbed Sarah and wrapped her up in a towel. I helped dry her off and I pulled her nightgown over her head then I guided her to my bed because her bed was a sloppy mess. Sleeping in it was out of the question.

Thank God Monique was gone for the night.

“Thank you, Leona, for taking care of me,” Sarah said.

“Okay, take your butt to sleep,” I said.

As I put lotion on, I felt the softness of my own skin. I never realized how smooth it was and in the beauty of its color and texture; even the few hairs on my skin were beautiful. I hugged myself and promised to love myself forever.

“Are you all right over there?” Daddy asked as he knocked on the door.

“Yes, we’re going to bed now. Goodnight, Daddy,” I said.

I quietly slipped into the bed, hoping to not awaken Sarah. As soon as I covered myself up with the covers, she rolled right next to me. I left her there.

She was just a big overgrown baby who needed shelter.

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