Tuesday, August 17, 2010

COLUMN: Fresh Manna: Breaking of Bread From Heaven

Be carefully whose lap you rest your head on! The fact that you can rest your head on the lap of another person speaks volume about your relationship. It denotes that a physical attraction and interaction have occurred within the relationship. Familiarity, your “likes and dislikes” were communicated which reminds me of the adage “Familiarity breeds contempt.” You have developed a mutual degree of comfort and trust with some level of shared intimacy.

Let me ask you this thought-provoking question, “Whose lap are you resting your head on?”

In the book of Judges, Chapter 16, Samson and Delilah were a couple whose lifestyle depicts a scene that has been snatched from the biblical era and translated into a modern-day scene within the 21st Century.

Samson was the strongest man who had ever lived in his era. Although he was married, he found himself entangled in an adulteress web of seduction and manipulation with a harlot named Delilah. They were lovers alright, but lovers for all the wrong reasons. I am inclined to believe that either Samson did not have genuine friends. Or if he did, they were miserable failures themselves and left him to fend for himself. Or Samson just refused to listen to their counsel. He intentionally refused to listen to the godly counsel of his parents.

Real relationships are based on two-way communication. Effective communication is displayed in a relationship by the words we speak out of our mouths and our body language. From the biblical account of the relationship of Samson and Delilah, they did not have a communication problem. Communication is still effective, whether it’s positive or negative. However, in their relationship, the negative communication worked.

Delilah’s charm literally sweep Samson off his feet. Often he found himself resting his head on his lover’s lap. Emotional ties are binding! Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain. Obviously, Delilah had all of these qualities working for her coupled with her greed for the almighty ($) dollar. Delilah repeatedly pleaded with Samson, “Please tell me where your strength lies….” After each episode, he gave her a fictitious answer, “If they bind me with…I shall become weak…. The Philistines tried every revealed method Delilah had lured from Samson, but they were ineffective. Delilah accused Samson of mocking and lying to her. Finally, she pulled out her finest deceptive weapon, the “you- don’t- love- me- no- more” tactic.

“How can you say you love me when your heart is not with me?” Three times Delilah reminded Samson of his mocking and obvious lying towards her, yet, he did not divulge the secret about his strength.

The Bible says she pressed and pestered him daily. No doubt, her constant nagging wore out his patience. The Bible s records that his soul was vexed almost at the point of death. Now that’s some mighty vexing. She wore him down until he poured out his whole heart to her. Then without a fleeting thought, she threw him to the wolves, grabbed the promised loot, and laughed all the way to the bank. This is my recap of the 21st Century version.

If you are not familiar with the biblical version, I admonish you to read it because there are vital lessons married couples can glean from the story despite its dismal outcome. Since I am writing from a Christian perspective; the lessons married couples can glean from Samson and Delilah are:

Communication and trust are vital. Trust and conflict resolutions are vital and healthy in marital relationships. Learn how to have a genuine trust for your mate. Be a good listener when your mate is talking. There are times when I talk with my husband; I am not looking for answers. I just want him to listen while I vent. Saying, “I understand” is preferred. Voice tones mean everything. A soft word fitly spoken diffuses and calms anger, but harsh and loud outbursts are explosive, and they ignites the fires of anger.

Touching denotes intimacy. The inscription on the card my husband gave me for Valentine’ Day read, “Baby, you know where my melting point is.” Find out where your spouse’s hot buttons are and gently stroke them often. The hot buttons are not always sexual, although sexual intimacy is vital in maintaining optimum wedded bliss. Receiving a bear hug or a passionate kiss from my husband are two of my definite hot-buttons. His hot buttons are our secret! That’s what I’m talking about. Over 39 years of marriage, and we still got it like that! Use some caution here and never share your secrets with those who do not have a NTK (a need to know). That was Samson’s downfall.

Rest replenishes the spirit, soul, and body. Rest is vital to your overall state of being. If your mate cannot find rest in the home, he/she will look for it outside of the home. Make sure your home is a comfortable and safe haven of rest that is fit for a king. Of course, every king needs a queen and vice versa. Juggling of work outside of the home may wreak some havoc in the home where spousal and parental roles are concerned. Properly balancing these roles among all family members living within the home can minimize the havoc and create a place of rest.

Journaling Assignment:
On purpose, carve out some quality time and spend it with your mate. Rest your head on his /her lap. Pray for communication and trust; intimacy, and rest for your mate’s spirit, soul, and body. As the Holy Spirit energizes their total being, you may discover his/her innermost secrets.

Happy reading and journaling!

Claudia Newby-Tynes, entrepreneur of Write 4U, is an author, speaker, teacher, and mentor. She has written two books and is a contributor to one. Claudia has approximately 200+ published credits online and in print publications. She served as both a columnist for The Spirit-Led Writer and a planning committee/faculty member for the Sandy Cove Christian Writers’ Conference. She is married and has one grown son. For more information, visit

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1 comment:

Missy said...

I do plan to sit with my partner and rest my head and then go into prayer right there at least every evening this week. But the weekend I will see what the Holy Spirit has to say to both or one of us.

Thank you so much for this column LaShaundra I apreciate you.

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